Soi's Thoughts
by Kourin Lucrece
Summary: The title pretty much says it all. Starts as poetry, but a story is in the second 2 chapters. Complete!
1. On Life...

Soi's Thoughts Part 1  
  
Disclaimer: I own a teddy bear and my mind. (which was sadly lost…)  
  
Warnings: This sympathizes with Soi, even though she may not be my favorite. The first 2 parts are poetry, but the third chapter will start an actual story. It's gonna be kinda depressing, I'm sorry!!  
  
1 Soi's Thoughts  
  
Part 1  
  
1.1 Ri Kourin  
  
I gave my soul, my heart to you  
  
My innocence you took  
  
I gave my soul, my word to you  
  
My powers then you took  
  
I gave my soul, my hope to you  
  
You gave me naught but hate  
  
I gave my soul, my courage to you  
  
You filled me with despair  
  
I gave my soul, was nice to you  
  
You turned my heart to ice  
  
I begin to wonder why we fight  
  
Why we lurk within the night  
  
I lost my friends; all have died for you  
  
I lost the self I held true  
  
I gave my soul, my everything  
  
And in the end you took my life 


	2. ...And Death

Soi's Thoughts Part 2  
  
Disclaimer: Sure I own it! Look at all the pretty pink elephants, too! **Men in white coats chow up and take Kourin away** We apologize for any comments she may have made and remind you that none of them are true. Thank you and have a nice day.  
  
Author's Note: Thanks for reading again people! I hope you like this one too. Oh yeah- it contains spoilers from the later episodes of the series, sorry! Next chapter is the beginning of the actual story of this lil fic. Enjoy and please review!  
  
1 Soi's Thoughts  
  
Part 2  
  
1.1 Ri Kourin  
  
My friends and I once were here  
  
Yet when we died, you shed not a tear  
  
For you, we lived, we fought, we died  
  
And never once for us you cried  
  
We tried to please you  
  
Never once did you smile  
  
We died in battle for you  
  
And our bodies you defiled  
  
I loved you since the day we met  
  
And saved me from a fate once set  
  
You told me things never true  
  
Everything I gave to you  
  
Yet it took you till I died  
  
To realize that you never should have lied  
  
But it's too late, for now I'm gone  
  
Now you alone are in the song  
  
Younger once, I had dreams  
  
They fell apart at their seams  
  
Now for something you should know  
  
That I should have said long ago  
  
I loved you once and that was said  
  
Before many paths down you led  
  
And with a final, silent sigh  
  
I say it once and now-  
  
Goodbye  
  
  
  
  
  
So, what did ya think? Well, the poetry's over, now on with the tale. Through Soi's eyes… Love you all, and thanks for reading!! 


	3. Thoughts of Rain

Disclaimer: If I owned this, would I be writing fanfictions?  
  
  
  
Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading again and I apologize for how long it took to get posted! So many things happened that kept me from using my computer. (finals, a 'family vacation', and a crashed computer) Sorry!!!!  
  
Soi's Thoughts Part 3; Soi's POV  
  
I looked out the window and sighed. I was sick of the rain. Imagine a sorceress of lightning sick of storms! But at the same time, it reminded me of all that I'd lost, what could have been. There were so many other roads that I should have taken.  
  
Outside my room, I heard Nakago-sama talking to our miko. He swore he loved the girl and would serve her faithfully, all in his calm cool voice. How often I had heard him talk of love! And the words rang false in my ears.  
  
I suppose that at times I felt bad for Yui-sama, for I knew how Nakago used her. I knew that those men in the city had not hurt her. But even if that was what she believed, need she be so nasty to those who sought to do nothing but protect her? Or in the case of Suzaku no miko, care for her? No, Yui did not get much sympathy.  
  
My fellow seishi were a different matter. Most of us were young, and I knew that Nakago was using us all. Those poor twins, Amiboshi and Suboshi, were as young as our miko, I think. And Amiboshi died in an attempt to do what Nakago said was right. After the death of his brother, Suboshi. Well, I have never seen a soul torn apart quite as much as that poor boy.  
  
Someone entering my room put an end to my thoughts, though I knew who was there. Nakago.  
  
"Soi, Konan and Kutou are going to war. We must head out now." Such a calm, deep, cold voice. I knew him for what he was, so why did my heart still cling to the vision of him saving me. The vision of a hero?  
  
But with another sigh, I pulled out my armor and donned it. In truth, even then I doubt I wanted to fight the Suzaku no Shichi Seishi, but my heart seemed to keep me from doing what it knew was right. I suppose I knew I would never come back.  
  
  
  
In my heart, I filled with dread  
  
Yet nothing ever had I said I knew I would not return  
  
Yet followed you, forever on  
  
  
  
So, what did you think? I know it wasn't all that great, but I'm working on it! ^_^ to be continued. Ja ne, minna-san! 


	4. In The End

Soi's Thoughts Part 3; Soi's POV  
  
I watched the battlefield with mixed horror and triumph. We were winning; that much was obvious. But all those people who died. Were their lives really worth wasting? This battle was pointless, and it accomplished nothing except death.  
  
But then, a more intense situation caught my eye. Nakago-sama was in trouble! I didn't even stop to notice who was holding the sword, but the next thing I remembered was that sword puncturing my back. As the pain flooded through me, I couldn't keep my mind from the past. And looking into Nakago's eyes, I surrendered myself to memory.  
  
//Flashback//  
  
I stood beneath the tree as one of my parents' customers approached. I smiled at him politely, anything of course to help make a sale. Being vaguely friendly wasn't too much.  
  
The man came closer still, and as his actions began to mirror his thoughts, I realized how friendly he wanted to be. I cried out for someone to help me as the man muttered for me to shut up.  
  
My eyes squeezed shut as I screamed louder, praying to all four gods that someone would hear. To my surprise, the man fell to the ground, unconscious. I looked up at my rescuer, and was further surprised to see a handsome young man. A soldier had saved me!  
  
He nodded as I stuttered my thanks, leaving to join his comrades. In my memory, he was always my hero in my time of need. And like an innocent child, I always believed in him.  
  
//end flashback//  
  
I realized he was staring at me, shocked and. dismayed? He couldn't be regretting my choice, could he? But I smiled as best I could through my pain.  
  
"I. love you. Nakago-sama." I saw a single tear slip down his cheek, and I smiled more to reassure him than myself. Perhaps he loved me after all. And I yielded myself to the growing darkness in my mind.  
  
  
  
I suppose I did my duty  
  
I don't suppose you care  
  
But I did what my heart told me  
  
Lest they harm but one hair  
  
I never said I love you  
  
I never said goodbye  
  
But I suppose it surprised us both  
  
When at my death you cried.  
  
  
  
'I put my trust in you  
  
I pushed as far as I could go  
  
Through all this, there's only one thing you should know  
  
I tried so hard and got so far  
  
And in the end, it doesn't even matter  
  
I had to fall to lose it all  
  
And in the end, it doesn't even matter.'  
  
~Owari~  
  
Note: I do not own the Linkin Park song In the End or Fushigi Yugi. 


End file.
